Something To Say
by The Notorious Cat
Summary: Post Grave Danger...A week later, Nick's out of the hospital with some questions, and some heavy things on his mind. How much more can he take? Can anything good come of what's happened? NickSara


It had been a week and a half since Nick's kidnapping, and today he was finally being released from the hospital. Sara was huddled up on her couch, safe and warm under a fleece blanket with a pair of shorts and a tank top on, and wondering how he was holding up. Catherine was with him now, and Sara could feel the amazing haze of gentle sleep fall over her at the thought of things taking baby steps in the direction of becoming normal again. When suddenly, she heard someone rap on the door.

As she slowly and silently padded over, Sara cursed the fact that she didn't have a peep hole. As she debated whether or not to reveal her presence, she heard a familiar voice call her name from the other side.

"Sara?"

It was Nick. She opened the door slowly, letting a rush of hot air hit her, and taking in the sight of Nick at her doorstep. Wearing only a thin dark blue t-shirt and dark jeans, it gave Sara a moment to re-evaluate his injuries. The ant bites had healed surprisingly fast; Sara had expected them to take longer, anyway. They were only purplish-reddish spots now, and if she didn't know better she would have assumed he had played paintball with Greg and gotten beaten…badly.

"Hey Nicky…" Sara said, leaning against the door a moment before swinging it widely open.

It hit Nick quite suddenly, and quite unexpectedly; he wasn't sure he'd ever seen Sara look as sexy as she had at that moment…with her little to no clothing, her hair blowing in a gentle tuft at the breeze, and leaning against her front door.

"What happened with Cath?" she asked, and Nick gave her a sheepish smile.

"She had to run and get Linds, spur of the moment, and…well I didn't really feel like being alone." He said slowly.

Sara gave him a gentle smile before stepping close and wrapping her arms around his waist. He hugged her back, letting the smell of her shampoo waft over him as her forehead rested against his neck.

"How convenient, I don't feel like being alone right now either." She said, and Nick chuckled, neither of them making any move to step away.

"You trying to get me into bed, Sidle?" He kidded, squeezing her sides before letting his hand rub her back gently, occasionally slipping over the bare skin of her upper back.

He could have sworn he felt her step closer.

"In your dreams, cowboy." She said, and she could hear the smile that she couldn't see. Sara stepped away slowly, and they stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"Well, despite the fact that I wasn't expecting company, there might be something in my fridge for us to drink." She said, walking over to the fridge and opening it. Nick smiled; he loved the way Sara welcomed him in, no questions asked, and respected his privacy without mothering him to death.

"Want anything?" she asked as she leaned over the fridge, picking out an Arizona Ice Tea for herself.

"I'll just have whatever you're having." He called, walking over to the couch and plopping down on it, flipping on the TV and surfing channels mindlessly. Sara came back with two glasses of tea, set it down of the coffee table and sat beside him, curling into the fleece blanket once again.

"Chilly?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her before she had a chance to respond. She smiled and nodded from beneath the blanket, her head resting on his shoulder as she stared at the TV, not truly watching. So she didn't even notice when Nick turned the television off.

"Sara? Sarrrraaaaaa?" Nick smiled as he waved a hand in front of her face, finally breaking her of her reverie.

"What? Nick? Oh sorry, I guess I was zoning…" she said with an embarrassed smile. He smiled back, and she grinned even wider. Seeing him smile these days was so…incredible and rare that when it happened it was a sight to see.

"Why'd you turn it off?" she asked, letting her head rest on his shoulder once again. She could feel his head on hers, his cheek resting gently against the top of her head, and could feel the vibrations as he spoke.

"When you've been in a hospital for a straight week and a half, TV starts to get boring. Not counting the fact that I've seen all the shows on pretty much every station." Sara felt a sad smile creep onto her face, and she scooted closer to Nick's side. His arm cascaded down her back, holding her to him at her hip, his thumb tracing her side every now and then, and for a while, they were just silent.

"Do you wanna talk?" Sara asked quietly, and it took a moment for him to respond.

"Between my counselor, doctors, and you guys, I think I've talked myself out. Not to mention I had hours to think to myself while…well I've just had some time." He said slowly and quietly, and Sara felt badly, as if she had crossed a line. Nick picked up on this, and squeezed her side.

"Actually, Sar…I was wondering if maybe…_you_ could talk to _me_. Just for a little while…I'm so sick of silence." He said in a dead whisper, and the subliminal pleading in his voice was not missed by Sara. She picked her head up off his shoulder and looked at him, searching his eyes for anything other then pain. She looked away after a moment, and slid her legs over Nick's lap, her arms wrapping around his chest. Nick tightened his grip on her; one arm supporting her from behind, another brushed her hair out of her face and curled it behind her ear before resting on her thigh. As she laid her head on his shoulder and he put his head on hers, he closed his eyes.

"Thanks."

And with that, Sara began to talk. She spoke about Harvard, and her decision to come to Vegas. She avoided her childhood, being that Nick didn't know about her mother, and instead focused on how she'd loved the early years of Vegas. She talked about each member of the team, how much they meant to her and why she loved them. She could feel Nick tense when she spoke of Grissom, and his heart beat faster when she started talking about him. She told him about cases that haunted her, about her fear of roller coasters and heights, and the intense love she had of purple. She told him why her walls were painted blue, the reason she hated Styrofoam, and how one of the hardest things she'd ever done was find a suitable apartment in Vegas.

Nick laughed at all the right times, stroked her thigh when she spoke of things that bothered her, and when she paused to take a sip of iced tea, he ushered her safely back into his arms. He closed his eyes and listened to the soft, smooth sound of her voice, lulling him into peace.

They were quiet then, and just when Sara thought Nick had fallen asleep, he spoke softly.

"Sara…?"

Sara was surprised he was awake, but she didn't let on.

"Hmm?"

Nick was silent for a long while - such a length of time that Sara grew slightly nervous.

"Will you tell me about the kidnapping…about what happened while I was down there?" Nick asked almost silently, but Sara took her head off his shoulder like he'd screamed.

Nothing was said, only emotions were betrayed as each stared into the others eyes.

"Nick…" Sara avoided his eye, but the feel of his fingers beneath her chin brought her gaze back to him.

"No one's told me anything Sar, I just…I need someone to help me understand. I'm so sick of everyone avoiding the topic like that'll help that I…" Sara put a gentle hand on his chest to quell his frustration, and he locked eyes with her again.

He pleaded with her, silently, his thumb gently tracing her cheek. Finally, after many minutes, Sara simply replied,

"Alright."

Nick smiled, and kissed Sara's cheek tenderly.

"Thank you."

Sara knew she couldn't do this…she couldn't tell Nick all these awful things while looking at him. So she rested on his shoulder again, reveling in the comfort the feel of his cheek on her head brought.

Sara told Nick…everything. About the live feed, its connection to the light, how they had no idea where he was or what was happening to him before they received it. She told him about Warrick thinking Nick was going to shoot himself when he shot the light out…about how the tears streamed down his face afterwards. She told him about how they had to interview his parents, about how his parents watched him on that feed, and about how she had to witness their pain. She told him about how she couldn't remember anyone taking a break until they found him…ever. She told him about the dog they'd found…the experiment before his capture. She told him about Hodges realizing the explosives were underneath, about Grissom identifying the fire ants, and how she'd narrowed it down to fifty, then two, then one spot where he had been.

Sara told him how she thought they'd lose him. How many times she had to go into the locker room to gather her courage and recollect herself. How she knew she'd blame herself if they lost him. She told him that watching him on that live feed killed her inside, and that if they lost him…if he hadn't been found in time, that there would be no way she was staying in Vegas. She told him what she had been thinking on the car ride over to where they thought he was trapped, the way that when they pulled him out on that rope she had pulled with all her might and her hands burnt with rope burn for three straight days because of it. The way that she hadn't been able to move as he was loaded into the ambulance, the way she'd sobbed on her way to the hospital even though she was driving. She told him how she'd broken down completely when she arrived and Greg told her he was alive…that he was going to make it.

She told him about how while she watched him, struggling horribly down there, how all she could think about was all the things she'd never told him...how she'd taken him for granted a million times and only realized it then…how she'd prayed to a God she'd never prayed to before to return him home safe…how she wasn't sure she was going to make it if he didn't.

And as she trailed off with that final thought, Sara gathered her courage and looked Nick straight in the eye. He had tears streaming silently down his face, and until he wiped her tears away she hadn't realized she'd been crying.

"Sara…" he choked out, and she let out a single sob. He hugged her fiercely against him, and they both sobbed until there was no energy left in them.

Somehow, Sara found Nick's hand, and she squeezed it gently, smiling when he squeezed back. They sat in silence for a long time, each finding comfort in the fact that their hands were still entwined. Sara's head tucked into the crook of Nick's shoulder, her face in his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her small body, pulling her even further into his lap.

"Sara…?"

She squeezed his stomach, arms wrapping around his middle, before replying.

"Yeah Nick?"

The pause he left before beginning to speak made her take her head off his shoulder and look at him.

"I…While I was down there…in the coffin, I…there was only…one thing I could think about. Sar I…I know right now I'm really screwed up right now and…I won't be stable or ready for…the kind of thing you're looking for but…I can't put myself in that state of regret anymore…I just want you to know…that…" Nick struggled to express what he wanted to with just words – he didn't know how. There was too much to say.

Sara's heart had been beating faster and faster as Nick had continued, her heart straining at the raw emotion contained in his voice, and when he paused and looked away, her eyes stayed locked on his face.

"I…"

Her hand slid up to cup Nick's cheek, and when his eyes met hers again, she gave him an encouraging smile.

"I love you."

At his words, silent tears began streaming down Sara's face. She smiled broader then she ever had before, and Nick smiled back. He kissed Sara's cheek, his hands holding her neck and his thumbs caressing her cheek. She blushed a deep shade of red, and a small laugh escaped his lips. Courage had found Nick Stokes again – at her acceptance of his admission he began pouring more and more of his soul out to her.

"Sara, I've loved you for so long that all I could think about was you and how much I loved you…I can't take chances anymore honey, you have to know this…What ever happens Sar, I love you, and I always will."

Sara broke down – after all she'd been through this week, after all _he'd_ been through this week, this ray of hope now shone brightly upon her…and she knew everything was going to be okay. She laughed, tears continuing to stream down her face, and she leaned up and captured Nick's lips.

He angled his head into the kiss, opening his mouth and encouraging Sara to do the same. She giggled and complied, scooting closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. Many soft, slow kisses later, Sara pulled away, looking down at Nick's chest where her hands had strayed, her forehead hovering near his lips. She sighed, closing her eyes, and Nick looked down at her. His lips kissed her eyelids gently, and a smile crept onto her face. Sara straightened, her eyes locking with his.

"I love you too."

Alright alright, I know.

It's a little late.

Well, it's HUGELY late if you're a big fan of immediate post-ep's, but this idea had been playing in my mind as well as sitting half typed on my computer for a heck of a while…I figured I might as well post it.

Please review – even short, one word/one sentence thoughts are welcome!

The Notorious Cat


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